:: oNly yOu ::
.. -!!sometimes i wish things were like before!!- ..
i'm here to tell a little short anecdote.
A sweaty caveman came in from a hunt. he'd just cut up four hundread pounds of bison meat with a stone axe. he was tired and cranky. when he got back to the cave, there was no fire. his young son, happy to see his father, ran out to meet him and hear the story of the big kill. but the caveman was worn out and had no patience. he shouted at his son, scolding him for not building the fire. the boy cringed. "Damn," he might have said to himself ine cave-ese, "i didnt do it right again. Whats wrong with me? i've got to do better if i want dad to love me and take me for hunting." its the same old story. for hundreds of generations, children have struggled to feel valued by tired, cranky, Neanderthal adults.
children try to become perfect to gain love, affection and praise. they try to avoid harsh looks, words of disappointment, scolding. shaming, or even the strap. when we were children, we may have felt pressured to be the perfect fire-builder, the perfect son or daughter, the perfect brother or sister. we may expected to be perfect student, the perfect baseball player or, the perfect dishwasher. Neighbours, teachers, coaches, preachers, and people we dont even remember reinforced some of these messages. their value judgements became part of us, the demanding voices we still hear in our heads. echoes from childhood tell us we are flawed and have to keep trying to be better. we do to ourselves what adults gods did to us when we were little.
if this fits your experience, you may feel trapped in a time warp. the child inside you may still be afraid of displeasing parents and other grownups-like in laws, bosses, supervisors, professors, or significant others. whether your family set impossible standards or you invented them yourself, your inner rascal may still be striving to be faultless. this internalized demand for perfection can run your life.
