:: oNly yOu ::
.. -!!sometimes i wish things were like before!!- ..
its been a freaking dragging shitty day. i dragged myself out of bed, head was spinning haha like merry-go-round. lol. i dragged myself to eat my breakfast. dragged myself to the toilet and bath. dragged myself to wear my clothes. this is the very first time of my waxing my hair time where i actually feel so exhausted and i sat on the chair to style my hair. my chest head everything just felt freaking heavy that i just fell onto the chair and dragged myself to style my hair. i dragged myself and finally walked down the hill, i took 10 min to walk down, usually i take less than 5 min. oh my haha. i dragged myself to board the bus and walk to the mrt station!! haha i fell asleep on the train and i almost miss my stop. i was late for lecture for 10 min. i think less than that. its an achievement. i was an hour late the day before cos i was in the toilet behind the lecture hall for 45 min! hahaha. human biology this stupid module wad the hell. just this module the boooks are bloody thick enough. and haha soo "great" i need to buy the textbook for that module! =( 30-50 bucks manz. wth zZZzzzzzzzzzzz hahahaha i checked the mouthpiece again no stock. zzz stupid! wth hahaha. hmmms oh well.
talked to yong jun at MSC in school hmmmms dunno just happen to see him there and cheryl as well. haha crazy guy depressed cos the barber cut his hair too much haha!! but his hair looks neatier but hmmmmms he loook quite retarded. lolol oppppps. cheryl look shagged. everyone look so shagged today!!! LOLOL nyp under some spells isiT? alamak! haha now haha i am dragging to type this post. haha shit manz wads up with me. damn exhausted tired. wad else name something that relates to tiredness i've got it manz! haha. so totally zjent! dear should be resting now. she is totally exhausted!! = haiyo hope workload will decrease soon!
chatted with audrey finally over the internet. i mean msn la. haha just a 3 min chat. haha to ask about holland stuff haha only. muahhaha. sharing room with her yeah. hmmmmms ok lors. haha nothing much. haha oh my hmmmmmms girls i mean nini n kuku sorry about it manz. hahhaa tired blog later
problematicsensationmadness
reflected on some past. some mistakes i made. some experiences i went through. the things i lost. its all my fault? i was partially involved in everything? but not all. its my character that i have last time. luckily its better now. but hmmmms seems that revenge found its way on me. everything that i love seems hmmmms not on my side. but the wish i made for aud seems true? haha ok thats good. wishes still exists. haha cooool i made wishes for everyone hope it comes true. hmmms been through some thoughts. and i came to conclusion. i'm loving the way i wanna love someone. even if that person doesnt. hmmmms that doesnt mean i can love more? ok wad am i talking about. cos if being hurt is the reason to stop me from loving people and caring and showering people with love. thats some sort not appropriate to me. i mean being hurt is one thing. everyone will go through. i cant stop loving people or stop caring or anything cos i'll feel hurt in the end? hmmmms being hurt i'm used to it. hurting me? ghaha it always happen on me. is there ever once hurt just stop coming to me? no. i just love everyone. i love being me. although i dun like being hurt but its all fated isnt it. if i stop being me to stop being so hurt? i think i am going against my life. that will not be me. haha den i will not find living in this world meaningful at all. haha. i dun mind being hurt actually. i mean yeah i'l be down. i'll complain here and there. but human does that isnt it? the most hurting thing is not being rejected or you break with me. the most hurting moment is when i see you my friends. love ones or anyone crying. being upset. not smiling. come on, its not the end of the world. get on with life. haha life is yours. why ruin it whenyou have soo many people caring for you. haha for my part i cant say who cares for me who not. its up to you peeps or individuals to judge if i am worth. haha for me i'll just say haha i'm not worth. cos i dun find anything in me that worth a single care from you. if i care for you. if i love you. etc i did all that whole-heartedly. i dun expect things back. but maybe a simple thank you. i'm satisfied. dun shower me back with care or anything cos i did those to you. and you're giving me back something that i gave you. those doesnt comes from your heart manz. when i say i love you, cos my heart tells me so. when i care cos i really do. when i say good bye cos i really have to leave. every sms lies a meaning. i may be crazy to just sms "take care. haha" its just a simple sms. do you feel what that sms means? its only two main words "take care" but i mean alot in that sms. haha its up to you to think why i sms that. haha who bothers to think wad that means. wad if i sms "goodbye" haha will you ever reply back? its a simple word but wad does it means to you. i dun say bye or good bye. cos i hate the word? haha cos it some sort symbolise you're leaving me for good. haha and i really dun like that word? lolol. i'm sorry but i dun like. haha!!! oh well. i'm a weirdo.
problematicsensationmadness
haha wad a weekend plus monday and tuesday. totally shagged now. haha had chalet at pasir ris on sunday mon and tuesday. it was awesome i spoilt it somehow haha!! i am sooo sorry. went to stay over at jac's place on saturday haha helped up with some stuff only. feeling guilty cos i helped up very very little only! hahaha sorry. over the night haha we made agar agar and jac made italian noodles for us. mei ting has to attend her cousin's bday celebration so she went home haha missing out the noodles? haha oh well. jac was super hyper that whole sat sun mon tues? lolol!! watched the day after tomorrow at 2+ am haha with jac's cousins haha but i went to her room and fell asleep alittle haha!!! was a little tired oppps!! LOL. den we slept and slept haha till next morning 11+ am haha. oh my hahha. the chalet was great. haha laughter and laughter and more laughter. haha really its laughing and laughing and laughing. haha our laughter bomb the entire unit?? LOLOLOL it WAS LOUD MAN!! haha. zaidi and thomas kept bitching around was really hilarious. most of them watched day after tomorrow on the first night. but i was really tired. my head felt heavy haha. and i just hmmmms slept on the bed. haha mt came into the room and ask me to sleep on the pillow. haha errr actually i cried that night haha BLAH BLAH. but well errr i am so sorry. i shouldnt have! haha. monday was quite bad alot of things happen? i dunno why my daily routine of my life. problems and "surprises" or any unexpected things kept happening? haha. . . . i found out nini has hyperventilation problem. and recently it kept happening? i'm a little worried. i only remember she had this breathing and chest pain during one of the band camp in sec sch. my heart stop 3 beats manz. i thought wad happen to her! sometimes she smsed me that she felt difficulty in breathing was worried but i didnt know that things will be like so bad. and i only come to know about this problem like now. when she has this since very very long time ago!. was upset worried. i dunno wad to do. and then wad sehz i cried at night while talking to thomas was supposed to console and make hiim smile. in the end is the other way round. haha sorry. why my buddy. haha cant i have that problem instead of her? at least she doesnt suffer. can i have all the illness and everything my friends and her have so that they will be more happy and can lead a greater and coool life? just let me take up all the burdens can i? i know its life. but my heart aches when i see them suffer. i cant stand by one side and do nothing? hais i feel so useless. i have my own sets of life problems health problems family problems but i dun want to see people around me suffering. the frownings lines on their faces changes my day. i'll be totally out of mood.
i cared for people who doesnt really need that care. and those who really need keep a secret about their problems and stuff. and i didnt care for these people when they are the one who really need my care. i'm so sorry i should have seen it earlier. now i know who are the ones who needs cares and stuff. now i learnt my lesson.
i am sick manz. i vomited the whole morning. zzzz yesterday during band break i vomited. zzzz muahahha i am pregnant haha no lars. crazy. haha. chest pain?? haha maybe i think too much! hahahahaha maybe i laughed too much. i'm tired. haha vomited the whole morning manz.! oppps
i really hate it. if you have anything to say. sms me or talk to me. dun sms or anything to others and let others tell me wad you want to say. for goodness sake. thanks manz. why not you stand in my shoes, can you feel that shitty feeling. dragging others into trouble to inform something that you can directly inform me. if you all think that it is ok to you. think about others first. stop being selfish for a moment and think wad you have done. i kept this whatever feeling for soo damn freaking long. i dun think i am the only one having all this problems. i didnt want to think about all this. but there is always a limit. it just goes way beyond my limit.
wad a bad day. i freaking bad hairdo. a freaking bad dizzy spell. wasnt a bad day afterall with concerning phone calls. thanks people. everything work out fine. until just a moment ago. . . . . . a sms which kills my day. i have to thank bloggy for it gives everyone a freedom to say wad they feel. feel so relax after saying. zzzz. hahaha muahahahha.
hock lun sucks. if the fact that he took pics of amelia is true. i'll curse him man. its really a shame to the band. for there is such a guy. i dunno how to say. feel so yuck to describe anything man
i've been tearing since morning. tears just keeps raining down. my eyes burning red and the feeling is like burning.! oh my. i have 2 chicken eyes on my LEG!!!! oh my i still remember sec sch i have 5 on the base of my feet. my dad brought me to the clinic my dad pin me down on the bed. and the doctor was like injecting some shit into the eyes of the chicken haha on my feet. 4 injections oh my terrible. and he burn a burner you know to melt metals??? those kind. i keep cryiNG!!! cos it HURTS!!! and i cant walk properly for more than a week. terrible. now i have it again! i'm not going back!!! zzzzzzzzz and right leg oh my since dunno when there are small little things poping out!!! LOLOL. so kuku. i'm very tired. but i cant sleep. hahha!!! lol wad manz. i keep yawning and yawning!!! haha
haha i haven update about yesterday. haha went to jac's house for dinner after my meeting with hui min and adeline. discussed the designs and stuff. friday we need to pass up. abit rush but i think hui min n adeline very efficient so i think everything will be done fast. coool manz. helped up with jac at the kitchen washing the plates and stuff. haha must help ma. goodness haha i'm very shy like eating there but do nothing! haha so washing at least hmmmms i helped up a little around 1% lol. i hate a little only, cos quite hard to swallow. feeling a little sore on my throat haha but i still drink coke. muahhahaa. opppps. hahaha the boys helped jac to put up her oil paintings! haha and hmmms all of us haha created some fights or something her room like some 8 degree earthquake or tycoon just happened or something!! LOLOL so sorry jac lol. muahahahha.
feeling alittle hmmmmmms unwell should be ok later. muahahha!!! laughing and smiling kick all illness away!! lolol my cough hmmmms got better after drink coke!! LOLOL muahahha. i'm a weird kid! lol!!!
hahaha been thinking about my life. haha disappointment i caused haha. such as being a bi now? hmmmmms its a decision after thinking alot. you can come and talk to me to like be a normal girl. liking guys and wear skirt n stuff. but that is just not me. why make myself uncomfortable to compromise with supposed to be normal life. i am happy now. with my life. with the things around me. i have a group of friends who cares. that wad i call true friends and buddies. sometimes i have enough of being commented that i am ugly. comment me this and that. spare a thought for others sometimes. i'll never forget that i was mocked in front of a group of guys cos i am freaking ugly during this freaking year. i totally hate it. and being a spare tire to some people. being used. they may not be like this. but the actions treatment its obviously i was taken for granted. ok i am used to it. its life i know. but there is this someone who i never thought will be someone who treats me like a sparetire. it totally digust me. haha i mean i still care for this person. but zzzzz i hate it when cares are not appreciated. haha i bet there wun be replies. haha
problematicsensationmadness
hahaha at jac's house muahahaha mei ting pigging now!!!!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzz hahahaha everywhere also can sleep. haha *salutes* hahahaha jackie-mon hahaha and mei ting haha quarrelled over chocolate with banana cake. haha mei ting's under garment keep stucking against her asshole. mnuahahaha she say de!!!! lolololol later leng leng and thomas coming over later for dinner at jackie-mon's house hahaha!!!!!! be back later to blog!!!! hmmmmmms mauhahhaa shall blog tomorrow. there are stares around...
problematicsensationmadness
