:: oNly yOu ::
.. -!!sometimes i wish things were like before!!- ..
i'm on my way of recovery. though behind my laughter there's sorrow. behind my smile there is still sadness. but it was better than it was before. now behind my tears there is joy for i have great friends who touches my heart with warmth of love. a love that i had never felt for long. isolation, silence are not solutions to my problems. i was just creating more problems and loneliness. all was decovered by friends who slapped me hard to wake up from my situation. i wanna say thanks. i am better now. though there's still a long way to go i will recover. i am yi hui =) i can do it.
in life everything has to been seen at different angles so that you can look at things at a better range. something cant be forced no matter how hard you try things and the facts are still the same. all i can say i was yi xiang qing yuan. i understand that already. there are people looking upon me. who need my help. how can i possibly do all that when i am doing unnecessary things. my life is precious. i have done my best. though i believe in miracles will happen. but it didnt. i was disappointed cos with all my efforts and flesh blood in doing something and for someone it was nothing. i yearn for miracles. but those miracles only happened when it is meant to be. it just wasnt this case. i accept it. people need or not need me, but i have a life to run. someday i'll meet one that i love alot once again. i may drop dead tomorrow with regrets cos i have unfinisheed stuff to accomplish. i have to grab every min, sec, hour, days, years to love everyone. show them i care. set a career. make my dream come through. i want to say something. i was a bisexual cos i like a girl. just 1 girl who changes everything. but its not meant to be. =) every min. every sec. with her is a moment to be remembered. be it happy or sad. it a lesson to be learnt. someone is there for her. i am happy n content already. cos happiness sorts her way. of course not on me. but i dun care. as long others are happy. i'm happy. thats my life that i want it to be. i may be sad for i have no happiness i desire but the smile on your face, makes me smile. cos i know i've done it. i wanna die with a smile on my face. i wanna sleep with a smile planted on my face. 3-some is my life. band is my life. my family is my life. and YOU whoever is reading this.
finally saw audrey today. wasnt in a good mood haha. but i didnt show lol. i just simply made ppl laugh haha znd they kept slapping me!! zzzzz hahahha!! very happy to see audrey. seeems happier?? good good. if she isnt haiyo i cannot do much. cos i dun see her often. how to help. i'm sure ppl around her will. so i cam step aside. i send audrey home, to mk sure she's same. not fee;ing well. nights gonna slp. haha i wanna find a guy n just have a fairy tale. to forget my misery. its my turn to have fun isnt it. hais. where is my break. can i have it now? hais everything seems missing in my life. thomas seems hais i dunno. pei suan quitting the god damn band! useless shit, waste my energy talking. its stupid reasons lors. cant believe she said all that. hais. if she quits with those freaking lame reasons. i can quit too. who bothers manz. its your love for something that matter. i dun deny i feel really depressed over my playing. but at least i am trying to become better. hais. i am so useless fails to do anything. should have drank more yesterday
problematicsensationmadness
