:: oNly yOu ::
.. -!!sometimes i wish things were like before!!- ..
i saw her profile married. i saw her testimonials. maybe she is attached but she didnt tell me. if thats the case i have nothing to say. . happiness always.
nini kuku. i cant go out with all this week and wed for the drinking session. i think i want to be alone for awhile. give me some time. this time i am really upset. give me some time. i love you all. i do. sorry i brought you all, all this. i'll go through it myself. thanks
i'm so tired. yearning for a break which i dun think i'll be able to get it. slacking at home. nothing to do at all. i read a 400+ pages story book in 4 hours nonstop. incredible. i never finish a book before excluding lecture notes and teextbook la. oh well zzzz i wanted to swim today but weather wasnt on my side. hais oh well. the weather was raining and my mood was wad the hell. totally hate it. hope thomas will be ok soon. hais. still searching for a perfect super keep myself busy job. wanted to work midnight and morning. but midnight seems out of question for my mom. hais keep myself busy so i wun have the temptation to ask people out and end up all busy. zzzz maybe i'm too "alone" to have to so much time to slack. i really wanna migrate. i cant bear nini and kuku. monkey bro. sisi. audrey??. mei ting? my class? hais i dunno lars. there are best memories. but too much bad memories i want to erase. yeah bad memories do make you a better person. having too much isnt good. yes i accept that i am born to face all this. this is set for me. but please give me a break. a good break where all great memories are there for me to remember before giving me all the bad memories back. please. shoutings from my mom. "study study study"" buy assessments tomorrow""you see mindy she score so well." " see wei zhe is teaching me english"
mom you never understand how i feel when you say something bad. i know you dun mean it you meant well. but sometimes its too much. you're giving me too much pressure. far too much. i just want a 2 week break after freaking 5 weeks of exams. and you're asking to get back to studies and buying assessment to do. get a tuition job. it a job you think its good. but i dun like it. you just dun understand. i hate pink you gave me pink i didnt reject i fear you'll get upset. you ask me to buy a skirt i did. but can you just respect my thinking my way of doing things. and not changing every single thing. my hair my style. its me. not you. why cant you understand, cos you gave me soo much pressure. i cant pursue wad i like. yeah i am a freaking bisexual i dun like guys. i want your advice but you're alwasy thinking in a way i dun like it at all. i know you care but understand how i feel can you? i fear losing you but you made me cry every night. i have my problems you have too. i'm wanna work outside andnot your company cos i dun want to troubled you i hate business. i like science thats all. i wanna work outside so i wun use a single cent from you. i cant tell you all that cos you're always yelling n nagging at me. you showed so much care for wei zhe. how about me? everything is him. have you consider how i felt? yeah fuck i am useless k. i get a stupid 18 points for L1R5 and fail my fucking english. i am trying hard ok. i am. and you always call me useless. you bring me to a point of breakign down. depressed. i lost the sense of smiling. being happy. everything.
i dun want to be a bi. why must i fell in love. getting myself to this mess. i just want to be normal. i'm trying to be one now. by keeping myself busy i'll get over you. i promised mei ting n ping xi i'll forget you. forget you that i once twice thrice four fifth sixth seventh eighth ninth tenth.. . . . . . .. hundredth... love you so much before. maybe i am fated to be a failure i cant even love a girl let alone a guy. i am just lousy pathetic freaking failure in everything. be it studies be it letting everyone smile. i fail i fail i FAIL!!! wo zhen mei yong. why am i here living and breathing. . i love you all but do most of you love me. . maybe being myself is wrong. maybe i am at wrong for every single thing i do.
trying to make you stand onto your feet is wrong. trying to make you smile is wrong. trying to be successful is wrong. falling in love is wrong. everything is wrong in my life isit? if not why not you direct me. . . i'm tired walking on a right path which seems wrong
